Our Legal Jargon :. (Lawyerish Version)
We value your desire to remain anonymous on the internet, so we just wanted you to know exactly how much we are doing to make you feel anonymous. We will never give out your information to those jerks who like to advertise their butts off and steal your identity for their own pleasure. (How you can feel pleasure out of such a deed, we don't know.) If you really want to know what values we hold, then view the lawyerish version as linked above. It's boring as all toad stools, but you'll more likely get a real perspective on our views. This is just like putting beer goggles on and reading the lawyerish version.You Anonymity :.
Just so you're clear on what we just said, we'll repeat ourselves again and confuse you by saying: We want you to feel safe by knowing that we will never release your information into the wild. We know you like your information in captivity like all the zoo animals, so people can't have access to it since there are these nice metal cages around it and only staff workers can get to it as a means of maintaining its life.
Just because we know how dangerous your password is, we put some extra security around that so we don't feel like we are invading your privacy by seeing it. It's all a bunch of garbled characters as we see it.
The only thing everyone else can possibly see is your information's furry outer coat. That is, your user name and any unwords we relieved you of, I mean... received from you. So don't worry, all you have to lose is your pride as other visitors critique how good or bad you are at making up unwords.
About that whole offending people thing, don't worry about it. It's a free country. We should be able to say whatever we want. That's what freedom of speech is all about.
Oh, and about the stuff you do while you're on our website, yeah. We're watching you man... We like "watching" people. It's like those reality television shows, only.... it's real. Actually, we only watch you so you don't do something stupid like plotting with other users on how to blow up a building or kill people. And we'll add a second pair of eyes if someone tells us you're being a jerk. If you are a jerk or think you're going to do something stupid, we might give you a pink slip. In that case, you'll have to go to detention like all the other bad-boy 8th graders. But don't worry, it's not like we're cleaning out your locker while you're there.
If you give out your e-mail address or something to another user or third party, it's your fault, not ours. We don't do those things, and we won't ask you for your information. Remember, we watch you, so why would we need your information again? Just don't give out your information if know what's good for you. And if you know what vegetables are, I'd assume you know what's good for you.
And lastly, if you didn't get us that time, we'll repeat ourselves again and say: We don't give you your information, we just give you credit for what you submit. And we don't ask you for your information either. We already have it.
Heed my Warning Abuser :.
Be gentlemanly or lady-like and pretend you're going to a ballroom dance. We don't want sloppy or un-kosher definitions. Clean up your act and stop swearing, and get your mind out of the gutter already. Boy, if I hear the f-word one more time, I'm going to send you to detention again. And if you still keep it up, I might expel you.
If someone comes along and says they're a lawyer, we'll put a few million bullet holes in their case unless they have a good reason for us not to. And if some hot-shot salesman comes along asking for your e-mail addresses, we'll send the hounds after him. And if they both come along, we'll sic 'em on each other and charge people $5 to watch.
If you offend some nation or race or ethnic group, it's not our fault. We might think its funny, but your name is on it, so don't nobody not never say we offended them.
And if you all know what quality is, then be patient as we laugh at your submission or ask ourselves what kind of drunk person submitted this word pertaining to their girlfriend. And I assume you know the difference between low and high quality workmanship.
Didn't You Learn to Share? :.
We have the right to claim this place as our own, and you can't prove otherwise. If you send us your unword, you are basically saying that we can display it as we please. So don't even think you can submit something and sue us for displaying it.
If we have something you own, and you want to be a big pain in the neck, then tell us and we'll remove your oh-so-precious thing from our website. If you just want the credit and you have proof that you can be a big pain in the neck, then let us know and we'll put your trademark up there somewhere. But if you want your name on all the pages of our website, then you'll just have to buy Nanovox Productions for a few billion dollars and then you can put Macro$haft all over the place cuz we know you're that obsessed with your name. (No we're not talking about Bill Gates' baby or anything like that which would be a trademark of his baby.)
